Returning after a week

Hi:

My daughter has pointed out that I has been over a week since I posted anything. Sorry about that. I am still trying to get used to my cataract free eyes. I had the second eye done last week. I will still need corrective lenses, so a lot of my vision without glasses is fuzzy and I have a hell of a time trying to find the right combination of old lenses (I have trifocals) that make reading possible.

We have been busy since the children had the reunion here on the 8th of August. This past weekend Marian and I celebrated our 29th anniversary by driving up to Mt. Pleasant, Mi (72 miles north) on Sunday. With the help of some church ladies we were able to get into the church where we were married 29 years ago to the day. It was a moving experience. We had a snack at Wendy's since that is were we used to meet during our early courting days and then went to take a look at our old house. The people living there were home and gave us a complete tour of the place. Again a very nostalgic experience. We ended the day with a visit with Tom and Penny Wildman (Tom was on the CMU faculty). It was a magical trip for us.

I continue to be fully functional, but there are signs that the disease is progressing. I can no longer take in any substantial amount of food orally so I depend 100% on my tube feeding for my nourishment. So far so good. I am still holding my weight at 165 even though I have not taken in more then 100 to 150 calories a day by mouth for over a week.

Ed Thorp our old trainer has been coming over once a week to help me convert the queen of herbs to useful products. Yesterday we made up 5 jars of Peanut Budder and baked another 220 Waldorf cookies. The Waldorfs (two cases of quarts so far) are all vacuum sealed in quart jars so they should last a couple of years for Marian to snack on.

We have had a variety of nurses taking care of me these past two weeks as our regular nurse has been taking sick leave once or twice a week. Now she has decided to take a months leave of baseness, so we will be setting up a new “permanent” nurse in the next week or so.

Last night we had a great visiting nurse. She was the most informative and helpful hospice nurse we have ever encountered. We are hoping to have her serve us with some regularity.

Started reading “Tuesday with Morrie”. Should have read it months ago. I was reading it so fast I decided to slow down and start reading some other stuff. I will go back to it tonight. I have had the book awhile, but did not feel that it would be that relevant to my situation since Morrie was dying of ALS and I am being killed by cancer. I am over that egocentrism now. I have broadened my horizons

Margaret (Hospice Chaplain) was here today. She tries to come over every Thursday morning about 10:30 and we discuss books I have been working on and items discovered on the net. She keeps pushing me to write a synthesis of all the items I come up with, but I think that is beyond my span of attention.

This afternoon the Gallonskys are coming over. He is a retired MSU physicist and she had Harry as a teacher when she was at Wisconsin. They are UU’s and share a lot of socio-political views.

Tomorrow morning Chris (an old lunch meeting guy) is coming over in the morning to teach me (relearning for me)cribbage. Should be fun since he too is an atheists so we have much to talk about. In the afternoon Ann Andrews from the church will be here to discuss the formation of a covenant group at the UU church on the topic of coping with the final stages of life. We will probably not be able to get it going until September since so many UU’s are away in August.

Monday Tom and Penny Wildman are coming to visit, and on that morning I have a visit with my old radiologist.

So you think we are busy. Add to that “drops in my eyes about every two hours” (cataract follow up) and you begin to see a schedule that is not conducive to thoughtful writing.

Got to go now.

thanks to all who take the time to read our site.

Bob

Great weekend

Hi-It is Wednesday already. I had my left eye cataract removed today and I am still a little punching from the procedures.

The picnic and reunion was a success in spite of the rain. It cleared up about two in the afternoon and the sun came out. About 50 people were there, at least 50 people signed the book. Turner and Latte left of Sunday and Ethan and Quinn stayed with BJ and Tuk. Those two left of Monday to take Ethan and Quinn to Latte's place where they had dinner. From there BJ drove to Luddington where they were planning to take the ferry over to Wisconsin. They also plan to stop in Missoula for old times sake. Kim and Frank left early Tuesday morning. It was sad to see them all go. It was such a thrill to have all of the children and grandchildren here for a couple of days.

I was in too much of a funk yesterday to write and today I am a bit punchy from the surgery and a little high from the atomizer. So I will make it short. Serenity still escapes me by I am off the pity pot today. But still have a lot of personal work to do to achieve that level of total acceptance that has to come before serenity will follow.

My spiritual adviser (the Hospice Chaplain) is coming Thursday. I have to find some new stuff to discuss.

I am amazed at how improved my eyesight is with the cataracts removed. My current glasses are not very good, but I have discovered that I can use the middle lens of my trifocals to read with my right eye. The left is still dilated a bit so things are still foggy.

That is all for now. LOVe, Bob

Great weekend

Hi-It is Wednesday already. I had my left eye cataract removed today and I am still a little punching from the procedures.

The picnic and reunion was a success in spite of the rain. It cleared up about two in the afternoon and the sun came out. About 50 people were there, at least 50 people signed the book. Turner and Latte left of Sunday and Ethan and Quinn stayed with BJ and Tuk. Those two left of Monday to take Ethan and Quinn to Latte's place where they had dinner. From there BJ drove to Luddington where they were planning to take the ferry over to Wisconsin. They also plan to stop in Missoula for old times sake. Kim and Frank left early Tuesday morning. It was sad to see them all go. It was such a thrill to have all of the children and grandchildren here for a couple of days.

I was in too much of a funk yesterday to write and today I am a bit punchy from the surgery and a little high from the atomizer. So I will make it short. Serenity still escapes me by I am off the pity pot today. But still have a lot of personal work to do to achieve that level of total acceptance that has to come before serenity will follow.

My spiritual adviser (the Hospice Chaplain) is coming Thursday. I have to find some new stuff to discuss.

I am amazed at how improved my eyesight is with the cataracts removed. My current glasses are not very good, but I have discovered that I can use the middle lens of my trifocals to read with my right eye. The left is still dilated a bit so things are still foggy.

That is all for now. LOVe, Bob

Hi: it is the big day and it is raining like hell. Good old fashioned midwest storms. It is raining on my parade. Oh well that is the way she goes. We have had a good visit so far. More people coming in today. Not sure what to expect. But it will be a good day because all of the kids will be here for the first time, with all of the grand kids. Five of mine with seven grand children. Michele and Joe are here also so only key West Steve is missing. Had a a great gathering last night and should have another one tonight. It is very up lifting to be around so much joy. Azaria our five month old grand daughter from Turner and Moya laughed and smiled all afternoon and evening. What a great addition to the family. The other grand kids played together as if they had known one another all their lives, truly a warming experience.

Well we are off to Potter Park and the party.

Bob

August 4, 2009

HI:

Tuesday at 5:15.  Another busy day.  Did two miles at the MAC this morning, got home a little before ten, just ahead of the arrival of Dick and Cheryl Cain and their two daughters.   They are old Lansing friends who moved to Indiana.  We talked a while then went to lunch at Alladins.  Got home around three and did some lawn seeding with "patch seed".  Ron Shepered an old AA friend
dropped over to pick up the  audio tape I damaged to see if he can repair it and get it copied to a cd.  We talked about stuff until near 4:45 when I had to get prepared to get on my tube feeding.   When my days are this busy it is a wonder that I will have time to die,  when the time comes.  Only kidding.   I am feeling great today.  Just another agnostic facing death.  Did I mention the site I found.  www.livinginlightofdying.com/form.  A great secular site on death and dying.  Best I have come across.

I  had to start the tube feeding  early today because I have to be off feeding by 6 AM in preparation for the cataract surgery that I am going to have tomorrow.  With the clear vision I am supposed to have after the surgery I should be able to get a very detailed view of the early signs of an after life.  You might say I am getting clear-eyed for my ride to  heaven (if there is one). 

Kim and Frank  are on their way from the Detroit airport.  We are going to have a pizza dinner when they arrive.  So  by for now.

Bob  

Hi:

Last on here the 22nd, where do the days go.  With Marian's son Joe and his partner Michele here we seem to be busy as hell.  I also have not been on the net much because I have been having trouble with my wi-fi on my office computer.  It takes for ever to get on this site and to move around.  So I have transferred the bookmark to my upstairs computer which is on a direct line.  Wi-fi drives me crazy.

I am beginning to get signals from my stomach that the tumor is progressing.  I am not able to eat much so I depend on the tube feedings.   Today was my lowest intake of a half of a yogurt.

I only have a few more  minutes before I have to hook up to my feeder so I will say goodbye for the moment.  With this new arrangement I hope to get on line more and get into some meat concerning atheists dying.   The loss of my ability to eat has taken a bit of a toll on my serenity (that is if I had any).  It kind of puts me on the blue side of life.

bye for now

Bob

Some update.

July  22.  Things are changing.  Here is a little note I wrote concerning  my current status

I try to stay busy every day and continue to enjoy pain free days (almost pain free).  There is a slow but detectable decrease in the ability for my stomach to assimilate food without painful consequences.  However, since I have to tube feedi at night  I am not concerned.   I continue to try to eat even with the unpleasant consequences since this way I am adding some calories.  I still weight over 162, down from 170 when I came home from the hospital.  They had been tube feeding me 24 hours a day for several days before I left. I was amazed at the weight I gained.  A lot of it may have been fluids.

A group of atheists have been coming to visit (twice now and one  scheduled for Friday) for discussion.  The sessions start around 7 and last until it looks as if I have had it.  Very enjoyable evenings.  Ann Andrews from the UU church have visited three times and we might work up a weekly schedule and I already have a weekly meetings with Margret Jones, the hospice Chaplin.  So you can see that at the moment  my time is being well occupied.

I am still not at the full level of acceptance (serenity) concerning   my future  loss of independence and the slow death that this type of cancer generates.  Thank god for hospice.

Got to go Bob