A blog about and for agnostics with a terminal illness.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
July 22. Things are changing. Here is a little note I wrote concerning my current status
I try to stay busy every day and continue to enjoy pain free days (almost pain free). There is a slow but detectable decrease in the ability for my stomach to assimilate food without painful consequences. However, since I have to tube feedi at night I am not concerned. I continue to try to eat even with the unpleasant consequences since this way I am adding some calories. I still weight over 162, down from 170 when I came home from the hospital. They had been tube feeding me 24 hours a day for several days before I left. I was amazed at the weight I gained. A lot of it may have been fluids.
A group of atheists have been coming to visit (twice now and one scheduled for Friday) for discussion. The sessions start around 7 and last until it looks as if I have had it. Very enjoyable evenings. Ann Andrews from the UU church have visited three times and we might work up a weekly schedule and I already have a weekly meetings with Margret Jones, the hospice Chaplin. So you can see that at the moment my time is being well occupied.
I am still not at the full level of acceptance (serenity) concerning my future loss of independence and the slow death that this type of cancer generates. Thank god for hospice.
I'm a retired psychology professor. In January 2009, I was diagnosed with Stage III esophageal cancer. I underwent radiation and chemotherapy. In June 2009 the surgery to remove a stomach tumor and the esophagus was unsuccessful. After researching my options (additional chemotherapy or hospice), I decided to follow the palliative care path of hospice.