Bob
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About Me
- Bob Z
- Lansing, Michigan, United States
- I'm a retired psychology professor. In January 2009, I was diagnosed with Stage III esophageal cancer. I underwent radiation and chemotherapy. In June 2009 the surgery to remove a stomach tumor and the esophagus was unsuccessful. After researching my options (additional chemotherapy or hospice), I decided to follow the palliative care path of hospice.
Glad to hear it! Now we can inundate you with smiles, hugs and warm wishes! Take care and can't wait for the next installment of your blog.
ReplyDelete~Tracy
By christian standards, I'm an atheist. I think there's *something* after we move on, but I don't believe it's wonderful or terrible -- no heaven or hell. In fact, I suspect the "afterlife" is as disorganized and chaotic -- good AND bad -- as the situation we're in right now. Those who claim to know what awaits are using our fear of the unknown as a club to beat us into agreeing with whatever they believe, which is what frightened people seem to do. I avoid those people whenever possible.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that scares the crap out of me is pain; I have a neurological disorder similar to MS which feels like walking on broken glass most of the time. Methadone keeps it under control (mostly) but I'm never pain-free. How are you holding up in that respect? Does your doc provide what you need to have a bearable life?
On the ABC news tonite: a British couple, married 55 years, devoted to each other, she had terminal cancer, they went to Switzerland for assisted suicide, where it's legal, in order to die together. So many people are upset about HIS choosing to die with her that the Swiss are now considering restricting access to suicide faciilities. Makes me furious!! No question that religious beliefs are behind the uproar.
The more I see of humans the more I love my cats.
-- Kris
Bob, I'm hunting for something I wrote when I was facing surgery. It's my attempt to tell why I don't fear death. When I find it I'll post it here.
ReplyDeleteA common remark I hear from Christians and other religionists is that an atheist must feel very alone, very isolated, very afraid of death. Not a chance.
ReplyDeleteLate every night, rain or shine, I walk my big dogs, Sherlock and Watson, usually between 1:00 am and 3:00 am. I live out in the country on 3.5 acres, and while there is some light pollution from my neighbor's yard light, the meadow up on the north end of the place is shielded by trees and there's a good view of the north and east sky from overhead to the horizon and half-way to the horizon in the south. When it's clear the stars are bright. The Great Bear circles around its smaller sibling, the one with Polaris at the end of its handle. Depending on the time of year Casseopia swims in the Milky Way or Orion stalks the sky to the south. Thousands of stars are in view, and there's an occasional meteor, the moon, or a planet or three for variety.
And every night that I see the stars I think -- consciously think -- that I am made of star stuff, to steal Carl Sagan's phrase. Every atom in my body heavier than helium (and virtually all the helium, too) was manufactured in stars by the fusion reactions that produce their heat and light. At the end of those stars' lives the heavy elements -- carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, iron and so on -- were flung into space when the stars went nova. Later, another star and its planets -- our solar system -- condensed out of the clouds of elements generated in those earlier stars and in the end, after many millennia of chemical and biological evolution, those elements made me and my dogs.
So I am literally part of the universe: I am made of elements manufactured in stars. And I am aware of that fact every night when I walk my dogs.
And then there are my dogs, Sherlock and Watson. Both are strays -- they chose us, coming to the house out in the country without identification. In spite of our best efforts to find them, their previous owners never appeared, and so Sherlock and Watson have stayed with us.
Sherlock is a Doberman/Rottweiler cross, the best-natured dog I've ever had. Watson is a setter/something cross and a goofball. Sherlock was in very good shape when he showed up, with a brand-new collar but no ID. Watson was full grown but was near starving to death -- though full-grown he weighed just 40 pounds and every bone in his body was visible. Now they're both around 70 pounds and are sleek and healthy.
And they are my cousins. That's a fact of biology: My dogs are my cousins. Many times removed, of course, but we are family in more than the pet/master sense: we're "blood" relatives. So when I walk them up north every night, we're a genuine family walking together, three cousins, all of us made from the same star stuff. And I am consciously aware of that fact every night.
When I die I'll be cremated. My ashes will be scattered somewhere, maybe in a bit of virgin forest that still survives about 40 miles south of here. The atoms of which I'm composed will re-enter the earth's biological and geological cycles, some being incorporated into plants or animals, some sinking into the earth or riding the wind. And then, billions of years hence when the sun bloats up into a red giant to engulf the earth, boiling off its atmosphere and crust, my atoms will be flung back into space, riding the waves of matter and energy that the sun throws out in its spasms.
So I am connected to the universe on both ends, from the creation of my atoms to their final journey to the stars. And I'm connected to my animals and to all life on earth. How much more connected can I get? I am directly linked into the physical universe, made of atoms manufactured in stars, and I am an integral part of the family of all life, cousin to everything that lives. I'm not alone, not isolated, and not afraid of death.
I won't know that after I die, of course: I won't know anything. But I know it now, and that's what counts.
I thought Penn Jillette had a remarkable view on death. Somewhere, I heard the radio show where he talked about his mother's slow painful death, and how both of them got through it. That story of his is what finally made me an atheist who was okay with it. I no longer truly fear death. I'll see if I can find the specific episode for you (it's a available as an archived podcast now).
ReplyDeleteMuch love and care,
Colleen
And then there are the the magnificent opening lines of Dawkins' "Unweaving the Rainbow."
ReplyDelete(And for those with tired eyes like mine, the phrase "magnificent opening lines" is a link to the Youtube reading of the lines.)
ReplyDeleteFrom "Unweaving the Rainbow" Richard Dawkins
ReplyDelete"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively outnumbers the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here."